Dallas, TX SuperPages Center 9-22-09

As I begin to write this, my heart, my mind, and my spirit are still swirling with gratitude, joy, and love in so many ways, on so many levels. For 10 years now, this band, these men, these people have not just been on my playlist, but have been part of my life, and have created music that has fed my soul and spirit in ways and through times that are nearly unimaginable, unless you live it, as I do, everyday.

These are much more than shows for me. I have often expressed that concerts are the only way and the only time that fans, friends, followers, as we are, can “give back” to the artists for all that they and their gifts bring to our lives everyday. There is no amount of time, money, effort, or sacrifice that could even approach what CREED has meant in my life. The reason I have the crest tattoo on my right arm is to reflect that CREED was my “right hand”, my strong support, through times when I only had God and CREED, and the Cross is on the left side, because the left side guides the way to the heart, which is why we wear wedding bands on the left hand, too! The whole of this rebirth has been such a gift, a blessing-- every photo, every smile, to see the reality of it, and to know that what we see is so real between them. Anyone who sees them interact MUST see that this is no stunt. These relationships have been healed, restored, and transformed even, into something deeper than ever. My first treat came when I saw the “Rock Princess” fragrance advertised online. The bottle looked so “CREEDy”-- just like the CD of WEATHERED, so I had to get it, and liked it! Then Jaclyn inspired me to have a pink and black theme this time-- she looks so beautiful and vibrant in that fuchsia color, and the subtle pinks in the wedding were so lovely, and black is the definite chosen color for the band onstage this tour. I had fought such a battle with illness and infection just as the tour launched, and I had had tickets for this show since 4 May, when I saw the LIVE and LOUD segment, I felt so unworthy to even BE at a CREED show!! Everyone from PBF and other fans were so gorgeous, and that's certainly not me, so I needed a few girly things to at least feel pretty! I also knew how short time is at the Meet and Greets, and I wanted to thank every member somehow, so I designed and made individual cards, each with a “Blessings” theme, because that is how I end many of my messages, and certainly is what they have been to me. I also had a sterling silver Cross made for Scott with a plate inscribed with the verses from Job that he mentioned in his testimony. Those verses spoke to me, too, in a different way. The words speeded my healing to allow me to BE at the show! I also had a bracelet made for Jaclyn of the serenity prayer. I also always prepare by having my “one sentence" ready for each for the occasion!
For all these months, like everyone, I had been so excited about this day, but has it approached, I waffled between waves of excitement and not wanting it to come at all, because the moment flies so quickly! The weather was a blessing, because the rain held off for the three-hour drive, and though it was intermittent, it never poured! It was over three years since I had been with dear Lisa, and I was so thrilled to be with her as she lost her CREED virginity! She met Paul and I in Cisco, and followed us into Dallas! My sweet hubby will not speed with anyone in the car, and Lisa said this was the only time she ever passed cops and wasn't worried about being pulled over! We made it time to our hotel, checked in, and just enjoyed SEEING each other. We did not have much time then to visit, but I did ask Lisa to come down to our room for a minute, and I gave her a bracelet with the verse of Phil. 1:3, I think my God every time I remember you. Those words are so true of our friendship. She showed me pictures of Audrey's first birthday, with her new PINK car! She really is a Princess, I promise you! I also gave her one of my copies of the Palm Beach Gardens magazine with Jaclyn-- and we shared about our feelings for her, and the gift she is to Scott, and how her love and God saved his life. We thought we left in plenty of time to go 4 miles, but 4 miles in Dallas is never just 4 miles! Bless his heart, Paul got into an HOV lane (we don't have those in Abilene) and could not get off for 10 miles! We still made it in plenty of time, and were guided into parking as if we were royalty! Everything was organized and easy, we got signed in, got our lanyards, and waited in the reception area for the Meet and Greet to start. Lisa and I did not care about eating, but Paul had a small snack. Lisa struck up a new friendship with a really nice speech therapist and a big Mark fan! It’s nice to be in an environment without any hate of CREED! Of course, several people cashed in those drink tickets to the max, and one girl was COMPLETELY drunk by the end of the Meet and Greet! I am completely astounded as to WHY people pay such a price, go to the trouble of being there, and then get too wasted to enjoy anything! If that's all you want, you can get drunk around home for a lot less—amazing! It also reminded me again of how proud I am of Scott for STAYING strong and in recovery, even when he sadly has to be exposed to this demon and its effects. I was so proud of my husband, too. He kept a very special promise this day, and I know how hard it was. He earned stars in heaven for his love that day.

I was then up against the battle I go through at EVERY show—the “You are in a wheelchair—you CANNOT be in the Pit” war, which is SO, SO WRONG!! A gentleman approaches us, and begins the spiel, “I don’t know if you know this about your tickets, but “wheelchair people” can’t BLAH-BA-BLAH…Paul says, “Well, she’s seen them 3 times before in the PIT!!!! (Stress on PIT!) and I was there, too! He then turns to me and asks “was it in Texas?” I say, “Yes, in San Antonio, twice in Vegas, and now HERE (stress on HERE)! He said “Well, I’ll have to verify that” Thank God, we never saw him again! Our host, Ann, though, did come to make sure we were aware and WANTED the Pit. I honestly think the only way I got the Pit was because of the ILAA ticket, and that makes it worth the WHOLE cost. Unless you see the world as I do, you cannot relate. All I see at a show is “dots or butts”, because either the wheelchair area is SO far away, or it’s decent but everyone ahead of you is standing, so you only have a view of their butt! Thank you so much, Ann, for being my ally! ILAA will always ROCK for me!

With great joy, we see everyone come out of sound check and into the area for the Meet and Greet. It was amazing to see for myself how real and relaxed they were, how genuine their chemistry really is now. Mark had a wide smile even coming right out of the door, they all were smiling, and Scott was applauding US, even then, as he saw us! Scott was wearing at white, and I said to Lisa, “I can’t believe we get white shirt Scott!” (okay, forgive me for one teenybopper exclamation!). The only one I was nervous about meeting was Mark. He was so kind in 2002 to notice me, and have a pick “delivered” to me, but I just didn’t want him thinking I was an idiot, because we have all seen the “arms folded eye-rolling” expressions of Mark, too! There was a lot of people, and I do appreciate how they have to have rules and sort of push through, because some we met in line had 5-12 things they wanted signed. It’s just not fair for that to happen. (I had my Sharpies and an item, too, just in case, but I understand that they CANNOT be there 3 hours for us!) As we line up for our groups, it was so sweet to watch as others “got there moment” and suddenly Lisa was, who was cold all day, said “I’m getting really warm!” MMMM wonder why?? The new friend and me had a laugh! Ann asked if we had anything to give to the band to let her deliver it, so I had to relinquish my cards, and pray they did get to there intended. The joy for me is in the giving, I leave the fate up to God. I kept the Cross in my hand, though, hoping at least to somehow get it in Scott’s hand. As it turned out, Mark was the “Frontline” greeter” and he could not have been MORE charming or gracious! He came down to my eye level (soo sweet) and I said, “Thank you for being CREED and being brothers again!” He said “Thank you for EVERYTHING!” with a HUGE smile—I think even more beautiful than the closing shot in Pittsburgh! and he took my hand. His eyes are SO big and glowed! I came to Scott, he looked at me, and I could tell he recognized me, he said “Thank you” but when I tried to reach for his hand, Lisa was there, and my wheelchair was facing Flip and Brian, so it was just not possible this day. They were rushing us to take the photo. I said “Thank you for giving us this gift,” and took both Flip and Brian’s hands. Flip said “You’re awesome” with the biggest smile, and Brian gave me a huge smile, too, and both he and Flip made a special effort to touch me. That is so special when so often it is hard for others to even look at you (I once had a boss who told me it was hard to watch me get into my wheelchair. I told her the important thing was that I DID get up from the floor into my wheelchair!) After taking the photo, Ann said to me, “I wanted your beautiful Cross ring to be in the picture,” I thought it was very special that she even noticed. I always say the words and events that happen were those meant to happen, and that was true for this time, too.

We waited for the venue to open, and I was hoping for just a chance just to see Jaclyn. Lisa kept visiting with her new friend. Paul was very taken, I think, with how kind the guys were. He said, “Flip’s a real guy!” I love that because it’s true of all of them. They are REAL! Not only did we get to the Pit—we were escorted there ahead of everyone! A lady who remembered seeing me in the Pit in 2002 started asking me if I was involved in the boards now, I said yes, and told her all about PBF and how I love it and then we talked about the new CREED site and how good fans can make it. The first band, Lo-Pro was very fun and energetic, and I enjoyed them. Staind came on, and Aaron seemed asleep and almost robotic through the first half of their set. Musically, they are talented as artists and songwriters, but their performance has a “time to make the donuts” impression. They do the songs, and their fans clearly adore them (Lots of “I love you, Aaron’s) but there is no PASSION or EMOTION. Aaron seemed to wake up in the second half of the set, featuring more of the hits, and he started talking to and involving the audience.

Because of my right hip’s deterioration, any kind of sling or bucket seat throws it crazy, and I my CP causes such spasticity as it is, by the time Stained was on, I was hurting so bad, and my leg was completely drawn up. Had a special cushion made to reduce the effect, but it did not stop the pull. Paul was so loving and caring, even though I continually said, “I’ll be all right”, he would “stretch” my leg to ease the pain. He also did EVERYTHING possible to make sure I could see. I always like to be on Mark’s side because you see Scott and most of the band the most from that vantage, I think, without the crush of the catwalk. I have always been safe there. When no one beside and in front would give an inch, he turned my wheelchair parallel to the rail, and INSTANTLY I could SEE! Tears just poured, and I kissed his hands and all I could touch on my 6”2 hubby!!! He was so precious, just smiling, and telling me, "Stop it-- there's no crying at rock concerts!”
That was my sweetie, my Paul, this night. It was the greatest testament ever that he does and always has understood what this band and their gifts mean to me. There is not an iota of lust or rock star fantasy in how I feel. My love is pure, and my connection with Scott is of the soul and spirit. What I treasure most about him is within… there is very nice wrapping on the outside, but the treasure is inside. Paul never tells me anything good about how he feels about CREED, only that he doesn’t HATE them. He lets me love them, he gets that, and at concert times, he selflessly supports me, and he knows they are spiritual moments for me. He is my angel.

At last, CREED hit the stage, and PASSION was reborn! Bullets is ALWAYS so incredible as an opener, because of how it POWERS up the stage and the crowd! For those who have not heard it, it blows them away, and for those who know and love the song, it revs the energy! Overcome came next…. The song has become another spiritual anthem for me, and I sang with every ounce of my being! Someone remarked to me that it was amazing for me to know and sing EVERY word to EVERY song, but SING I did! I'm terrible at remembering order of songs, but there were BEAUTIFUL treats at every turn in the show! Except for Overcome and A Thousand Faces, every song had improvisations and twists—LOVE IT!!! Scott sounded INCREDIBLE—no hiccups at all in the voice, and I have NEVER, EVER seen him more JOYFUL, and it poured from him and all the band! They love each other, and they love being together! There were so many cute moments of affection and fun-- more than you could count! One of the fondest things was that Scott and Mark talked to each other after EVERY song, laughing, kidding, rolling with the flow. They are BROTHERS again—you can see and even feel it! We got Are You Ready, too! At the beginning of Unforgiven, Scott did the “message inside” line twice, and he and Mark just laughed and moved on. That split-second was a glimpse of all Scott has learned. I am so proud Scott can do that now, be human, make mistakes, accept them and MOVE ON! That is healing!! That is how God restores—WHOLLY!! One of the first things I saw as I watched the first performance, before the tour, was that Scott was FREE—without the root of self-hatred and rejection that I think he has held. I also truly feel that he is in ministry now, and he knows and accepts it. He knows what the songs mean to him, and the transforming power they have had on so many. His pulpit is the stage, and his music does and is meant to straddle two worlds, but he no longer does. There is such peace and joy in all he does in performing—I can’t tell you how blessed I feel to see that. There was a touch of what jazz musicians call "scatting” added in to “What If” and a monster guitar run—amazing! In Never Die, Scott did a bluesy “call-out” as he did with OLB at other shows, my goodness, and in fact, blues touches were inflected into many songs, and I LOVED that! Brian even moved to the right a few times, smiling and playing “machine gun” at us with his bass! Eric was bouncing with total energy and joy every time I saw him, and he did all the bluesy bits (yum!) Faceless Man IS the Truth song for me, and it would have been worth the show JUST TO HEAR THAT AT LAST! That song is so personal for Scott, and he wants you to sense it in all your being. Torn and Say I were SO powerful, too. Scott lets the song speak for itself now, without so much explanation, and I think it makes them MORE potent, combined with the deeper register of his voice. You truly can feel that Scott “performs in the Spirit” and once more, he brings me back to David, who danced in the Temple, because I never dreamed I would see Scott DANCE so much!!! He even hoists the mike stand over his head and dances in rings around the stage!!! With every move, my spirit danced, too! Over and over, Scott said what a wonderful time he was having, how much he appreciated us, and you could feel it was true! Mark was just as gracious and interactive with the audience, making eye-contact, gestures, and that HUGE smile again! He threw a pick to me, but it went inside the rail. After the show, a security staff brought me a pick, saying “This is for you”. Paul never saw him pick it up from the ground, and Mark emptied both pockets, so Paul thinks Mark specifically asked him to give it to me. If he did, that makes twice now, and I give tons of kisses and credit to Mr. Tremonti! Lisa saw Jaclyn at the side-stage before the encore. I wish she could have taken a bow! The “unity shot” at the end of the night made me cry—it always does. The crowd was fully into the whole show! About 12-14 thousand we think…and we shook the ground!

BLESSINGS and THANK YOU!!!